Sober.

And I don’t know, this could break my heart or save me. Nothing’s real until you let go completely. So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving, so here I go with all my fears weighing on me. Three months and I’m still sober. Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers, but I know it’s never really over. And I don’t know, I could crash and burn but maybe at the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me. So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right. No comparing, second guessing, no, not this time. Three months and I’m still breathing. Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know it’s never really over, no. Wake up. Three months and I’m still standing here. Three months and I’m getting better. Three months and I still am. Three months and it’s still harder now. Three months, I’ve been living here without you now. Three months. Three months and I’m still breathing. Three months and I still remember it. Three months and I wake up. Three months and I’m still sober.

Walking along the lake, hand in hand, the moon, the stars, the breeze, the silence. You and I. I take a breath and I smile, knowing that this will be the last of many memories of what has been. And even though it started off as a quick spark, brighter than anyone could imagine but with so much meaning, it ended all the same. Short and sweet, it's always better that way. We sit down on a polished rock, molded for couples to sit and stare out into the horizon. But sadly it is not for you and I, for though we are wrapped in each other's arms we are miles apart, drifting away. We knew from the beginning, I knew it from the start. But sometimes you can't help but get caught up in everything you do. I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I've wished so many times to be able to be a part of your life, to be accepted, to be loved, but as so many times before, nothing. Silence. More peaceful than awkward, we watch as the waves brush up against the protruding rocks and splash us ever so slightly. He feels a shiver run through my body and holds me closer as we both look up and gaze at the starry sky, knowing that this will be the end of it. And as we get up to part ways he wraps his arms around me, knowing that our time has come but wishing that this moment can last forever. He's not the only one. A kiss, our last, ever so gentle, sends every emotion I have rushing into him and his into me, and we know, yes we know. And as quickly as he comes he goes, into the night, no turning back. When I look back to the end of my first year away from home, I remember so much, and smile at the thoughts that come rushing into my head. I guess you could say that he's the one that sticks out the most, though. Saying goodbye was hard, but it was one of the most memorable times of my life. It was as perfect as any goodbye could be, and the time we spent together no words could ever explain. Yeah, it's hard, but life moves on. He's gone back to the life he left and I have returned to mine. We go about living with only the memories of the past in our heads, looking for more. But oh, those memories, those are what will stay with me forever, even though he is long, long gone.

I'm gonna miss you, and everything you made me feel inside.