Lie to me.

We are who we are, and no amount of lies you tell yourself [or you tell me] will ever change that.

Lie to me, lie to me one last time.

Intensity.

Complex minds amaze me. But what is truly astonishing, what I was so blinded to before but so understanding to now [not fully, but through some means, closer than I've ever been], is the power in which they can work, for both the good and the bad. And, I say, along with complexity often comes confusion. Confusion of the sorts in which nothing seems to fit together, or confusion at times when good is bad and bad is good [the world has flipped upside-down]. The two come hand in hand, one never without the other [it is rare to find that confusion does not follow complexity, or vice versa - though, at times, one may be a little bit behind in time].

I hope to not sound quite so negative all the time. Complexity [if it falls into the hands of the right person, mind you], can be quite a great reward. But in the reaches of the wrong person, however right the person may seem, it is not so much a blessing in disguise. Words are merely words - delve a little deeper. It is hard to fully grasp the true meanings and intentions of such convoluted minds, such intricate powers. I presume I am one of the few who would give half of what I know just to be able to understand a fraction of it, in its entirety. But what do I know. I am, afterall, just another naive human being on the face of the earth.

Infidelity. Indispicable, indescribable infatuation, immensely insignificant, irresistably intriguing. Involuntary, inarguable infuriation. Indefinitely infinite. Insanity.

Ps. Fuck it all, fuck you all. A couple more months of bullshit and I'm through with it. Out with the old, the regrets of the past, in with the new, hope for the future. Be strong.

I will do anything it takes.

Have I ever told you? I would die to be
beautiful
skinny
smart
the perfect girl.

Resist temptation in all shapes and sizes, fight the cries of desperation at all costs. Determination and willpower of the mind, saying I will not give in, I will not, I will not. Nothing can get in the way of a man with a set mind, whose eyes are focussed only at what lies ahead of him. Do not fight with him, for he will conquer, he will destroy. Do not tempt him, for he will plow on forward until he reaches the end. Do not do so much as raise a finger or take a breath, for it is a waste of energy, time and effort - he will do whatever it takes to achieve his goal. So wage the war and win the battle, there is nothing worth losing and everything worth gaining. Power and control to the infinite amount, fight on, fight on.

I am invincible.

It took me by storm.

A fairytale world of beauty and love. What is beauty, what is love? The sky, the birds, the trees, the sun, the flowers, the rainbows, the people. I'm told it goes further than what you and I can see. A little deeper. A little more ... no, still more. Somewhere there? Who's to say how, or who, or what? Not you, and certainly not me. Still they [or more correctly, we] search until it is "found". Not knowing why, not knowing much of anything, really. Just a continual hunt for something that doesn't exist. Or does it? Some call it pessimism, or cynicism, or ignorance. Me? I call it knowledge. A knowledge that surpasses those with the glaze in their eyes, blinded to everything around them, or those who are madly infatuated with someone of the opposite [or same, if it suites you] gender, and even those who find it a dire need to have people constantly around. A knowledge that rises above those with the highest intelligence quotients, and those who seem to know it all, those who don't know it all, those who pretend to know it all, and those who know nothing. A knowledge known only by me, for me, to me, and no other. A knowledge that comes through wisdom, experience, and the constant ramblings [from here to there, at random times or at times not so random in life] to and from the friend, the mother, the father, the sister, the brother, the other and some. Life is not life, rather, a figment of your imagination that only you yourself can control. No one but you can see it, no one but you can control it, no one but you can start it, no one but you can end it. What you live and what you feel is surreal. Open your eyes.

I may not be right. Hell, I may be the farthest from right anyone has ever gone. But such knowledge, such understanding and such thought is so empowering ... beyond empowering ... that only time can tell where it will lead.

I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above.

Live, laugh and love life.

A touch of serenity mixed with an abundance of radiance. A few drops of bliss, a dash of fulfillment, finish it off with a handful of aliveness - ah, alas, the perfect concoction.

Running through the fields barefeet, the wind running its fingers through my hair, the sun smiling down upon all of earth's small wonders - I have never known such ecstasy. I ran till I could run no more, collapsing in a clearing with grass as green as emarld and throwing my head back to drink in the sun's rays. Time seemed to stand still as I lay in [what I can only describe as] a meadow, my dress ruffled and my hair tousled [but I didn't seem to care]. A light breeze picked up a leaf, placing it in my hands. I sat up slowly, my shadow slowly creeping up and casting darkness over the fragile thing. Nature's miracles. A butterfly, its colours splattered on its wings like a mad artist thrashing paint on a canvas, landed on my shoulder. Orange, red, yellow, black, everything and more. It fluttered [or maybe it quivered slightly, I couldn't tell], and flew off as quickly as it came. Jumping up, trying to catch the butterfly that was already so high in the sky, I pranced and frolicked around the field [spontaneously cartwheeling at times, my inner child escaping from within me].

I don't know exactly how long I stayed there for. A couple hours, a few hours, the entire afternoon ... all I know is that I watched the sun as it set over the trees, casting it's last bit of sunshine across the field. I embraced the night with a smile on my face as it came, watching as each star popped out one by one by one, lights going off in the sky, so far yet so near.

I'm living the high life.

A little more of this, a lettle less of that.

In a state of total oblivion, where left is right and up is down and everything is all around, what is there left to feel? So empty yet so full, calm hearts and racing minds. Life is a blur of people, laughing, shouting, jumping, swaying to the music. A spark here, a trail there, wanderers follow suit. Is it an illusion, a state of mind? The night is hazy but the stars shine bright. A breeze blows through and the trail is lost, only to be replaced by three more. A sensation, a feeling, nothing and everything. Confusion so profound that even Einsten wouldn't be able to figure it out. Just let it go, live on, live on. Why worry? The night is young and the people are carefree. The trees begin to move closer, the moon smiles and the stars wink at me. The couple at my right [or is it my left?] are so engrossed in each other that they cannot see it. I laugh, it's nothing unusual. Continue to feel the steady beating of my heart as it goes boom boom, like the rythmic beating of a drum. I shut my eyes and darkness encloses me. I accept it like a long lost friend and say, Welcome back to my world.

This life I live is deadly.

Ps. I have the most amazing friends in the world.

Lost in the music.

Baby, baby, don't be late, the world is ending and I can't change the way I feel about you now, New York is cold as ever.
But still I go out every night, and hide myself among the lights, bathe in all the pretty things the city brings.
The bodies glisten and they shine, and like the stars we're born to die, like these roses we all will fade.

Baby, baby, please don't cry, wipe the guilt out from your eyes. Leave your conscience on the bed, there's no one innocent here.
In the mirror you'll find faith, plastic flowers never fade, but we all turn to grey.
I'm counting the cars on the freeway below, lost in the music. All the foolishness of our lives speeding out of control, I'm lost in the music, the music.

E D I T [11.24pm] ;

beach beach beach beach beach! i want to drink in the sunshine forever and ever. the weather is absolutely fantastical. give me my summer now, please!