Mistaken.

I screwed up. I'm sorry, I knew it would end this way, I knew it all along. I knew it and I ignored it like I always do, and I'm back here on my ass, just like before. It's the same everytime, it's always the same ... every fucking time.

If it happens once, shame on you. If it happens twice, shame on me. And if it happens three times, well, you're just a fucking idiot, aren't you?

I was the girl. I fucked it up. I fucked you up, I fucked me up, I fucked it up. I hope it's only you and I who can see that, the world would judge, I know they would. Don't tell, close your eyes, shut your ears and zip your mouth. Ignore it and pretend like you didn't see it, didn't hear it, didn't talk about it, didn't have any relation to it. I wanted to be good, so good, so unbelievably good. I was good, don't you agree? Nothing short of cockiness, but it's not what I'm made of, it really isn't. You know me better than that, you and I both know that much. But everything here [the rambles and such that occur without my concious knowledge] is besides the point, the point that I refuse to get to. It's the simple fact that I do not want to dwell on it. The good, the bad, and the plain butt ugly. We did it, and it was so wrong that it was right. Words cannot explain the mixed emotions and the drama that everything held, it is too bad to be good but too good to be bad. Hands down, it shouldn't have ended like that. Hold on ... let me rephrase myself. Hands down, it shouldn't have started like that. It ended well, I am proud of you for standing up for what is right, because I wouldn't have said a word. It's those guilty thoughts, that voice inside your head that smacks you back to where you should be. It's hard to admit your wrongdoings, believe me, I've tried. Never the less, the freedom from guilt is exhiliarating, just like she told me it'd be. I believe her, just like I believed you. Was it wrong to? I guess we'll never know.

But really, I should leave you, and you should leave me. That's the way it should have been, that's the way it has to be. I have no choice. I'm sorry, so sorry. There are a lot of stupid things I've done in life, but this by far tops it all. Take back your apology, it was meaningless to me. Sorry is not what you should be saying, it should be the words coming out of my mouth. And I'm not even woman enough to apologize to you, so here it is, my heart, everything. It was stupid, I was stupid, it was all just one big mistake. We should have known.

Forgive and forget, leave it and move on, the world spins and life continues, the clock is ticking. Walk ahead a little farther, a little quicker, a little stronger. Try a little harder, get a little better, run a little faster, grow a little stronger. It is said. Now let it be done.