And so it begins.


It is, alas, truly a new beginning. So many times I have spoken of letting the past go. I guess I haven't failed at it in all it's entirety, but I do know that I have still hung on to things I should have let go of a long, long time ago. I've put it in words and sent it away, along with the feelings and the sadness that has hung in my heart. Sealed with a kiss and blown into the wind, it's time to move on from everything that has been. Is this going to be a good year? I don't know. But what I do know is that I am the only one who has control of how this year is going to begin, how this year is going to live out, and how this year is going to end. So with that said here is my one and only new year's resolution:

To live like this year is my last, with no regrets and no fears, no holding back.

Now that 2007 has ended, I have stopped to take a look at my life and to see what I need to change for 2008. I do realize that no one is perfect, but for the longest time I have taken the liberty to think and act as if I was the closest anyone has ever gotten. But what I see now is a little girl who desperately needed to find herself and who hid under a mask of uncertainty, clothing herself in everything she wished she was but realistically, everything she was very far from. So from here on out I've made a few wise yet realistic decisions.

1. I am going to fly solo for a while. And I know that I've said this many, many times before, only for me to find another guy that I've fall head over heels in like with, but this is for real. I'm at the age where I'm beginning to look for a serious relationship, someone that I can see myself with for a while down the road. By no means am I talking about marriage, but I am talking about commitment. And I think that before I commit myself, it is only fair if I straighten my life out and figure out what I want in a guy, or what I need in a guy, before I go and put myself in another relationship.
2. I am going to dedicate more of my time to family and school. I've begun to realize that my priorities weren't straight - I'd always thought that I had things exactly where I wanted them. But this break has been a real wake-up call for me, and I've begun to see that my marks are definitely more important than parties and intoxication, as well as the fact that I need to put my family before my constant desires to go out with friends and do whatever the hell I do.
3. I am going to be in control of my life. I've felt extremely out of control of everything around me, as well as myself, for a while now. Call me a control freak, but I need to be able to have a grasp on everything that is going on in my life. And at the moment, I feel like things are out of my reach and certain parts of my life are spiralling out of control. I need to regain composure of myself, of my life. Weed out things that are of no use, cut off things are giving me extra pressure.
4. I am going to have a lot more "me" time. I feel like I gave 2007 a lot, and by no means is that a bad thing. But at times I feel like I have nothing left to give, and I feel like I am stuck where I am with no way of getting out of this rut. I think it is time for me to find myself again. It is time for me to understand what it is that makes up this girl, what it is that I have to offer to others in my life. And so this is the year where a new change is going to take place, because there are no more confusions and no more lies - just me.
5. I am going to be happy. So many times I have felt like giving up hope, giving up on everything and everyone around me. I have felt my fair share of heartbreak, of pain, of loss, of hurt. I have had enough tears running down my face, enough sleepness nights filled with worry. I am done with giving second chances and asking for second chances. Because in the end, it is so not worth it. I am not saying that I am going to go through 2008 with no sadness and no hurt and no loss and no tears - don't get me wrong. It is only life to experience such things. What I am saying is that though there will be times like these, I will be optimistic, and I will look at the brighter side of things. I am not going to put myself in those positions anymore, because I have realized that I am prone to be blind to such things. But I am going to change, and I am going to look at the brighter side of life. After all, it's the year of two thousand and great, isn't it?! =)

And as these words are merely words to whoever is reading this, let these words develop meaning as I begin to work my way through 2008. I'm ready to take on this new challenge, full of spirit, full of energy, full of life. I want to be able to look back at myself on the same day next year, January 2nd [or January 1st if I'm not too hung over =)] and say, "I am not the girl I used to be. I have changed and I have lived a good a year, full of happiness, full of joy, with no regrets, no fears." So here goes my journey into 2008. May it be filled with wonders that I have never imagined, and in the end, may I come out a renewed and changed girl.