Fast me forward.

On hold. In a stand still. Non-blinking, non-breathing, non-moving. Just being. Things to occupy the mind in order to keep it from wandering, people to occupy the time in order to keep it from stopping. The world is on fast forward and I am on rewind, every two steps forward brings another five steps back. I am not ready to face the reailty that is so quickly approaching. I see them all ahead of me, laughing and glowing with glee. So why am I here, behind, so far behind, weeping? Have they learned something I have missed? Have they accepted facts that I am not willing to face? Or are they just concealing all that I am feeling, in hopes that their true emotions will never be found? Can I follow suite, burrying my feelings until I feel nothing, nothing at all? What am I supposed to do when all that I love is just out of my arm's reach? The people, the friends, the family, the love, the happiness, the joy, the security, the trust ... everything is around me, so why can I not reach it? I feel like life has passed me by and I don't know how to stop it, or to slow it down. I need to find my way back in, I need to find the place where I belong. Seventeen years. I am not ready to leave that all behind, just yet. I sit on the floor and pull out my hair, holding my head in my heads while tears seep through my fingers and spill onto the floor. I am too dependent, and I need you. I cannot leave. Not yet. I am not ready. But it is all coming too soon, rushing towards me, too fast, too quickly. They have gone, and I am left behind. Take me away, drag me away. It is the only means by which I will be able to let go of all this.